Accept the warm embrace of Father Moai my brothers and sisters. Let me into your hearts and underpants for I am the true messenger of the one. Do not go gentle into that good night without having me beside you. One night in Bangkok? Forget about it, you need one night in Father Moai!

There was this one time at band camp.  Wait, that’s not right.  You’ll have to forgive this Moai Red Shirt as I had a long night and I probably shouldn’t be communicating with the outside world but if the Moai Away Team has taught me anything its that you should always follow through with your commitments.

And with that being said I will now tell you about the time that I found myself on the train facing a man with no shirt on who kept begging me to take his picture.  Seriously, I had no idea who this guy was but he would not take no for an answer.  So I took his photo and pretended to write down his email address because he wanted me to send him a copy.  I still have the photograph but I never did send him a copy because on that particular day I was being an insincere asshole.  It happens.  I often wonder what became of that man, besides being locked up in the county jail I’m sure.

Do you ever get that feeling that there is an intruder in the house, especially when you are taking a shower?  Well I do.  It gets so bad that if I am alone in the barracks I will lock all the doors and check each room and closet before I climb into the shower and even then I make sure that I am in and out as quickly as possible.

Why are you looking at me like that?  Just because I am a Moai Red Shirt and a proud member of the Moai Away Team does not mean that I do not possess irrational fears just like you.  I am a person after all.  Sort of.  But there you have it, my true confession.

I am still not comfortable making these confessions but what can I do?  A promise is a promise.  All I can say is that I have never done anything that the rest of you have not already done so that puts me in good company.

So here it goes.  On more than one occasion I have peed in the coffee machine on the bridge and then I have sat back and watched my fellow Moai drink the pee infused coffee.  I don’t laugh out loud but I do find it amusing.  Drink up bitches.

There was this one time on Planet B-121 where the Moai Away Team was enjoying an extended shore leave.  Well, I’ve never really talked about it before but something happened.  It still makes me uncomfortable to think about it, much less tell anyone but I promised you a true confession so I can’t back out now.

I’m going to blame it on too much alcohol but whatever the reason, Cap’n Moai touched me in a naughty way when I bumped into him in the men’s room.  I wanted to scream for help but I was just too ashamed.  It was a dark moment for the Moai Away Team and all the Moai Red Shirts out there but remember, I was the victim.  Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest after all this time.  Confession is good for the soul.

What better way to spend a Sunday than working on some street art.  In this case I was adding some details onto one of my Moai Away Team statues and without warning the inkpot came flying out of my hand and onto my lap and the floor, with some additional drops landing on the computer keyboard.  Needless to say that my hand, forearm and thighs have a nice inky stain to them.  Luckily I buy this ink in bulk so I have plenty more available.

The Moai Away Team decided a little down time was needed between missions so they took a little personal leave and visited MCAD and MIA here in Minneapolis.  The Moai Away Team members shown here are a couple of the more adventurous individuals and they have been known to go out of their way to find excitement in the strangest of places.  We salute you, Moai Away Team.  Live small and prosper!

Having spent the previous 18 hours conducting a scientific survey on Planet BY01, Moai Away Team 1 is seen here awaiting transport back to their ship.  It was an uneventful mission for the most part but Cap’n Moai and Red Shirt Moai were involved in an incident in which they found themselves up against a newly discovered form of biological matter while exploring the planet’s surface.  Still recovering from the effects of this encounter, Moai Away Team 1 will be standing down for the next few days in order to recuperate and then will begin planning for their next mission.

Moai Away Team assembled.  We are beaming down to the surface now.  Moai log 2246.2, we have been summoned to this place by a mysterious message.  The Moai Away Team is eager to investigate these strange surroundings to determine the source of the message.  Moai out.